you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"