New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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