and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive