"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER