I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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