thus making me awesome and them whores
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
