Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
