i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
