can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
