I'm really into asian looking animals
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
