Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
