Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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