Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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