Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
