You just made me feel so damn special
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i love accidental penises.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
