Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
