she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
this must be what syphilis tastes like
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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