Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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