listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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