I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
and you fell through a lawn chair
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
