There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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