Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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