Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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