And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
a search helicopter?!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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