Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
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And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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