What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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