If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Randomize
