The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
