We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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