We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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