Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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