My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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