Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
