He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
