I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
