someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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