there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
