do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
