True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
