I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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