Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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