i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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