I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
