So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
