ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
