He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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