hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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