I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
