did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
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