yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
