mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
