Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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