And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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