This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
