Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
