I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
