You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
