my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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