i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
