the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
false alarm, still single
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
