fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
