its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
