at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
