the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
