i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
