Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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