one two three fourrrrnication!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize