I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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