The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
