I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
