..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
