I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
