What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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