yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
from now on my penis is your penis
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
