everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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