At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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