i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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